my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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