I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
