i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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