Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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