his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
