D3 body, D1 cock
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
