You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Text me some of your sweat
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
