My pussy is not your playground.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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