my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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