so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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