paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
