Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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