I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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