If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
