so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
