no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
