I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
