This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Panties = found
Randomize
