just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
