so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
