Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
