I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
