Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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