It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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