im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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