I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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