Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
