A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
