I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just threw up on my dentist
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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