Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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