We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
