Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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