you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
