Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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