Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
