Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
