He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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