My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
