I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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