hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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