That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
