Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
