somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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