Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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