dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
