I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
