I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
