you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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