shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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