You were right. It hurts to walk today.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
