Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
