Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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