I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
