The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
