I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
