The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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