after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize