apparently the secret to your success is patron
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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