Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and she was petting her beer can
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
