super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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