hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
