I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You are the jesus of drinking
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize