3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
