I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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