I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
