I can text with my tongue
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
