drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
