I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I sprained my soul last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
