I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ugly people sure do ruin things
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
