i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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